we need to make a change.

I don't know whether I feel like CRYING right now or SMASHING A WINDOW.

I just wish someone would tell me WHAT TO DO to make a positive impact on this band.
I know we're supposed to focus on our individual achievement, and I'm striving for that, but IS THAT REALLY ALL WE CAN DO?
What is the secret?
WHAT IS THE SECRET to success?
Is it passion?
Is it hard work?
Is it inspiration?
First Mr. Landes tells us he feels like the world's crappiest teacher.
HIM.
OUR BELOVED, FEARLESS, PASSIONATE BAND DIRECTOR feels like it's HIS fault we don't care.
Next our section leaders blame themselves.
They say they don't know what else they can possibly do to help us and encourage us.
At some point you're on your own and you have to find the discipline and passion from within - they can't MAKE us care.
AND NOW, our amazing drum major is potentially LOSING FAITH IN US?
Or maybe not losing faith, but he's obviously disappointed, upset, frustrated, you name it.
I think the rehearsal was productive if you're looking at the number of sets we accomplished, but like all of our leaders keep saying, we COULD HAVE ACHIEVED MORE or at least achieved it without talking and unneccessary distractions.
I wish I knew something I could PERSONALLY do to make a positive impact, however slight.
But I can't think of a SINGLE thing a sophomore could do to help the band or inspire even ONE person.
Especially a sophomore that has medical issues.
WHAT CAN I DO?
I'm tired of listening to the rollercoaster feedback.
It's constantly changing.
I wish we all could pull together and be the band Mr. Landes, our section leaders, and our DRUM MAJOR are proud of.
I'm so ashamed.
Like Leandro said today, it's not any one individual's fault - you can't blame a select group of people.
Everyone takes a part in the blame.
Just as everyone shares the glory.
I wish we could set the standard for the freshmen.
I wish we could shut up.
I wish we could learn to listen and apply.
I wish we could stop having to be lectured by the marching techs.
I wish we could have a silent rehearsal without having to be reminded.
I wish we could have a field show where everyone came off that field proud, without any regrets, knowing it was the best field show we performed this season.
There are so many things I wish, but then that's just THE POINT.
I WISH WE COULD STOP WISHING AND ACTUALLY CARE ENOUGH TO MAKE THE CHANGE THAT WE ALL KNOW WE NEED TO MAKE.

ultrasound .

Today marks 18 weeks and 3 days of being on my period.

And today I had an ultrasound.
It was probably one of the weirdest experiences of my life.
My mom picked me up at 3:15 and we drove to Kaiser's L.A. diagnostic imaging lab.
And then we waited for like, an hour, listening to all these pregnant teenagers.
There were so many.
And some of their friends, parents, or boyfriends were there, too.
The radiology lab waiting room was hopping, man.
If I didn't know any better, I would've thought we were at a rave exclusively for expectant mothers or something.
So then this MAN called us in and apparently, men are allowed to feel up pregnant women's bellies with their blue goo now with the disguise of "ultrasound technician".
(Or in my case, girls' who have had their periods for too long)
Anyway.
After six minutes or so of rubbing this slimy stuff on my stomach/lower abdomen area, the ultrasound technician proclaimed that my bladder was not very full.
I thought that was a joke. Like, he was looking at what I had for lunch today or something, and he meant to say there's nothing out of the ordinary.
So I was like, okay so I can go now?
And he was like, what? No, you need to drink this white nasty crap stuff so that your bladder will be full.
HUH.
Yeah, apparently, unless you're uber pregnant then you need to have a full bladder to have an ultrasound.
Like, when you're pregnant you're already pretty uh, round. Plus there's like, a couple of buckets of water in your womb already.
But when you're not pregnant, there's nothing to help pick up the magnetism or something..
Dude, I don't know.
I'm just the victim here.
Anyway, so he gave me some really icky stuff to drink and after 30 minutes (now it's about 5:40pm), I had to pee like a mofo.
I mean while everyone was watching the news on the televisions, or talking quietly amongst themselves, I was doing the pee dance.
You know the one.
Finally we were called again, so I went back into the little, super sanitary smelling room, like doubled over cause of the need-to-pee-pain.
But it paid off.
He confirmed that my bladder was indeed very full.
So then the guy got out his blue goo.
The first kind was warm so it wasn't too bad.
But then he needed a second kind and it was ICE COLD.
You know that song like, "there's an ice box where my heart used to be" or whatever?
There was like an ice box where my OVARIES used to be, dude.
They were shivering.
I swear I got temporary frostbite.
AND THEN, like, it was super awkward.
After he finished a good 25 minutes later, he got this cloth and started like, viciously rubbing my stomach to rid it of the blue goo.
I felt like I was getting tummy-raped, LOL.
But yeah.
He got some of that nastyfuck blue goo in my panties :[
I think I should take him to People's Court or something.
And sue him for like, 5 bucks so I can buy a new pair of undies.
Cause in this economy I can't go around paying for ultrasounds everyday, much less new underwear.
Good grief.

Anyway.
On the serious side, I'm a little concerned.
The ultrasound technician said my ovaries and uterus looked a little screwed up.
Well, he didn't say it like that.
He said my images looked a lot different than the norm.
But he said he would send them to the radiologist.
And then the radiologist and my doctor are supposed to have a meeting.
So I'm not sure when I'm getting the results.
I hope nothing's wrong, but at the same time, it's kind of expected that there is.
Like, what else could possibly be the explanation for all of this?
You know?
So I hope nothing's wrong, but at the same time I hope there is so that they can fix it.
Arighty.
Back to Mistss.
(:

come on, arcadia .

Rank 3's Rank Rehearsal.
(Taken on October 20th at Wednesday Night Rehearsal by The Amazing Ron Lee; http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000252556510#/photos.php?id=100000252556510).

You know something's up when Mr. Landes says, "I feel like the crappiest teacher in the world".

It's not just about pulling this show together,
or the parade block,
or cleaning up the band room,

or any of that.

But Mr. Landes needs to know that we CARE and we are PROUD to be in the Arcadia High Apache Marching Band.

And he has no way of knowing that if we fail to show him.

On our own accord, not after being asked, told, or reminded to do things we should already be doing.

I think our field show is pretty exciting.

But like Leandro's quote, "We aim above the mark to hit the mark".

We should be aiming above that mark, and I'm not sure if we're barely hitting it or hitting it at all or what the deal is.

It seems everyone has a lack of motivation.

Everyone's mind is on other things.

Constantly.

And it's just frustrating because for people like me, band is all there is.

I'm wasn't made to be a die-hard student or club leader or speech maker or student body officer or actor or singer or anything.

But when I came last year to the marching band program, I felt so at home.

Just like everyone else.

Band has a way of winning hearts.

Audience's, players', and directors' alike.

So come on, Arcadia.

Let's rip our hearts out on that street and on that field.

And let's show them what we've got, and who we are proud to be.

Like Mr. Landes said, "This is Arcadia. This isn't some other place".

I know that none of us want to let our fearless leaders down.

We can't let Arcadia go downhill.

Not today, tomorrow, this year, or the next.

And certainly not on Mr. Landes' watch.

He is the reason Arcadia is excellent.

Let's do this for for us, for the band, for Arcadia, and for Mr. Landes and Mr. Sherrill.

Come on, Arcadia.

Mt. Carmel, we're on our way.

Mt. carmel .

Car Wash Fundraiser 2009.

(Taken at First Ave).

I am so excited for Mt. Carmel, it's ridiculous.
I can't wait for the parade block, the field competition, and the FOOD, oh my.
I really hope we get to see Mt. Carmel's show, too.
And what school was it that had the big yellow balls that the colorguard was playing with last year?
(LOL.)

Those visuals were killer.

And I remember last year a common theme was having all the band members/colorguard sleep/die at the end.

That was world-popping.
(This year we'll show them up with our dancing, though <3)

Anyway.
I really wish we practiced for Mt. Carmel like Arcadia used to practice for Chino.
Like, how they kept the metronome running 24/7 and the band room became a sacred place.

And everyone just listened to the tempo.

Or how they painted the yard lines on the sidewalk and everyone stepped 8 to 5's during passing periods.

And people took home their instruments/mouthpieces everyday, not just the day before the competition.

And those different bands before us were able to reap the feeling of success after their triumph - whether it be a trophy or just the knowledge and pride of having performed their best show of the season.

Regarding the practicing though, I guess there's nothing really stopping anyone from bringing back tradition.

Something to think about, anyway.

But I really hope we put enough in so we'll have something to take out.

I remember .

Altos of 2008-2009.

(Taken at senior tribute night).

Anyway, I found this picture while looking through Ron (Lee)'s pictures on facebook.

And it reminded me of alto sweaters.

Hopefully we'll get our new ones before the Chino competition.

They're forest green american apparel!

(Chosen by Carlo, the style-king, of course.)

And our own lovely Christina made the design.

It's super sizzling; I can't wait!

I'll miss you .

あなたの　高校の　そつぎょうを　するの時、　私は　とても　かなしいに　なります。